Griffinovi

"Oh, my God, what's with Meg's voice? She sounds like someone who's about to give up a huge opportunity." (04.04.2019)

Meg - Hey, when you get sexually abused while you're in a coma, do you know it's happening and just can't do anything about it? Or do u not even know what's going on? Quagmire - I also am curious about that. (04.04.2019)

"Dear Amish Lord: Thou lookest sternly down upon us-thine flock-even though we did not do anything wrong, and have been doing chores like $&@%? crazy. Please make us humble and deliver us more hardship-that we may get thick calloused hands, much larger than other peoples; and grant that we become dull, like Eric Bana - who we have never seen but are just going by reputation - because it is your will. We solemnly believe that although humans have been around for a million years, you feel strongly that they had just the right amount of technology between 1835 and 1850 - not too little, not too much. Please deliver us from Thomas Edison, the worst human being who ever lived, and protect us from those who laugh at our buggies or our hats. And deliver us from mustaches. Amen." (04.04.2019)

"Don't worry about it, guys. I read nowhere that Southern sheriffs really want to be talked down to by big-shot Northerners." (05.04.2019)

"Never! Retirement's for old people. I can work till I die. Maybe even after that." (05.04.2019)

Lois - Peter, Quagmire has a name for that cabin. He calls it his sex cabin. Peter - No, he doesn't. He calls it "The Stuffet Inn." (05.04.2019)

"You know, I read somewhere that women decide within the first seven seconds if they're interested in you or not, so I figured I wouldn't waste anybody's time." (05.04.2019)

"Lois, if anything should happen to us, I want you to know, I haven't been happy for a long time." (05.04.2019)

"Good evening, I'm Michael Myers. I have enormous psychological problems and I'm going to take them out on you." (05.04.2019)

Brian Griffin: Hey, I'm sorry, but Miss Emily and I have a connection which is totally unexpected. And by the way, I actually think she's doing a pretty good job. She's teaching you guys independence. Stewie Griffin: We're one! Independence means we die! (05.04.2019)

"First, I have to read you the Miranda rights for Jewish people. You have the right to remain silent, even though you won't. You have the right to infer an insult where none was intended. You have the right to a lawyer, who you are probably related to." (05.04.2019)

"And then he went into the kitchen, slowly opened the refrigerator, and it was empty! So then, the man, weak with hunger, raced from the refrigerator to the counter to look for a delivery menu, but all he could find was one for a vegan place!" (05.04.2019)

Peter - Social media is bringing us all closer together. Quagmire - Unfollow. (06.04.2019)

"Yeah, I heard it. They say my name on TV all the time; calm down, bitch." (06.04.2019)

"Dearest Augustine, I do hope this latest damp has not aggravated your gray lung. Dip, dip, dip, dip, dip. Matters stateside have taken a tragic turn as this year's gourd crop has fallen prey to a rather unexpected infestation of saltmarsh cutworms. Dip, dip, dip, dip, dip. Marital concerns continue to bedevil me." (06.04.2019)

"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. But I have a very particular lack of skills. I will never be able to find you, but what I do have is two dollars and a Casio wristwatch. You can have one of them." (06.04.2019)

Glenn Quagmire: Hey you ever accidentally masturbate to young pictures of your mom? Peter Griffin: Who the fuck starts a conversation like that? I just sat down. (06.04.2019)

"Well, it's a brilliant day for a long and confusing game of cricket. The field is teeming with men in helmets who don't seem like they need helmets, and men not in helmets who seem like they probably should be wearing helmets. Oh, he's batted it clear out of the stadium. Is that good? We don't know, but it's what we do!" (06.04.2019)

Chris Griffin: Does the Swanson divorce mean that I have to go live with Grandma and Grandpa? Lois Griffin: No, Chris, it does not. That doesn't even make any sense. (06.04.2019)

"Uh nobody called ahead? Well, somebody from Fox was supposed to call ahead. They usually take care of it, and then I just go ahead and do stuff." (04.05.2019)